Tom, Tom, turn around - you can't beat O'Brien

All right, so it's not the most shocking or sad thing to happen in the third series of Downton Abbey. However, I admit that I'm still grieving for the demise of the Old Villain Alliance. Miss O'Brien the spiteful lady's maid and Thomas the wicked valet (formerly footman) have fallen out.

As I've purchased the DVDs, I have been able to cheat and watch ahead of other Swedish fans of Downton. I'm now on episode five while Swedish Television are showing episode three this weekend. I'll be a little careful with spoilers, if not overmuch.

The baddie falling-out already started in episode one, though. Poor old Thomas. Like Errol Flynn (according to a famous quote), you know where you are with him: he lets you down every time. I like the idea of a villainous footman/valet so much that I've always been inclined to cut Thomas a lot more slack than he deserves. But he is an idiot. If you think he could not possibly do anything stupider than not checking the goods he plans to sell as a war racketeer before sinking all of his savings in them, think again. Suddenly, he picks a quarrel with O'Brien, and for what? Because she brings in her nephew to the household as footman and wants him to advance to the position as valet eventually. Thomas is miffed because it took two whole series for him to become a valet proper, and he doesn't want anyone else to manage the jump in just one episode. Is that a good reason to antagonise someone who has been a good friend, and is known to make a formidable enemy? No, I should think not indeed.

Clearly, Fellowes couldn't resist the temptation of manufacturing a quarrel between his two head villains so they can tear each other's throats out. I wish he had resisted. A villain alliance that stands the test of time is a rare and beautiful thing, and I really enjoyed this one, as I've commented on before. What's more, it's an uneven fight. There is absolutely no contest: of course Miss O'Brien is going to win. She was the brains in the Downton villain club from the start, while Thomas followed her orders and quite often messed them up. He is officially toast. Not that he needs O'Brien to get into trouble. I can see the new Thomas Catastrophe on the horizon already, and it ain't gonna be pretty. One can always hope that the accident-prone Tom realises the pickle he's in, gets down on all fours and grovels to O'Brien before it's too late. But I'm not betting on it.

Things aren't helped by the fact that the cause of the unrest - O'Brien's nephew Alfred - is such a clod, the point of whom I still struggle to see. I think Fellowes is trying to set him up as a goodie, but the only worthwhile thing he has done so far is to say a nice thing about Edith at a time when it mattered. He spends most of his time flirting with a pretty new kitchen maid while being oblivious to the obviously yearning Daisy. Somehow, I don't think that will win him many viewers' hearts.

Otherwise, Downton delivers its usual pleasant mix of intrigues up- and downstairs. There are a few mysteries. For instance, why is everyone of the opinion that Sir Anthony Strallan is "too old" for Edith? One, as she herself points out, there aren't that many young fellows left after the war; two, in the first series the Granthams were quite happy at the prospect of marrying off any one of their daughters to Strallan (well, maybe not Sybil); three, he's not that old, is he? He's played by sweet-seeming Robert Bathurst, who was the yuppie in Cold Feet. What, are Helen Baxendale, James Nesbitt and Hermione Norris thought of as ancient too, now? And what happened to the threat of Sir Richard Carlisle? Did he decide not to print the scandalous story about Mary, and in that case, shouldn't someone mention it and give him some credit for his decision?

Well, Downton wouldn't be Downton if you couldn't pick holes in it. It's a pity though, to come back to the theme of villainy, that dastardly plans in Downton tend to be so - well, petty. The corrupt screw and drug-dealing prisoner who are harassing Mr Bates are no better than the baddie servants in this regard. Say what you like about dour Sir Richard, he was at least an adult. He didn't hide his Lordship's shirts, and had he been caught out in a drug racket he wouldn't whine "it's all his doing" about a burly innocent he'd been trying to frame. Come back, Carlisle, all is forgiven.