So. Sheev Palpatine? I would.
Let me explain. Not even the most ardent villain-lover would describe Emperor Palpatine as a dish. His disfigurement, a consequence of careless Force-lightning-throwing during his duel with Mace Windu, left him looking much like a figure you would encounter during a Ghost Train ride (and I hate Ghost Trains). There are, however, two perfectly reasonable explanations as to how he could have offspring which would then lead to his being Rey's grandpa:
1) Rey's dad could have been fathered when Palpatine was still merely Chancellor and had not yet acquired his Ghost Train look. During this time he looked like his actor Ian McDiarmid, i.e. cute. This should fit chronologically: Rey's father ought to be in the same generation as Luke and Leia. Just make him a year older than the pair who were born approximately at the same time as Palpatine fought Windu and became a scary-looking emperor. There, problem solved.
2) Even if Palpatine's son was conceived and born post-disfigurement: well, Palps was the Emperor of the freaking Galaxy! Sorry to burst anyone's bubble, but let's get real. Apart from the obvious gold-diggers, there are also plenty of women who find power itself a turn-on. I'll have to raise my hand here: though I'd like to claim that I mainly find worldly success attractive as an indication of a man's brain power, and quickly lose interest if a power broker turns out to be daft, I'd be more likely to fall for a brilliant emperor than a brilliant tramp. And if we're talking galaxy wielder, well, then, I'm sure a certain amount of creepy knobbliness in the face area could be overlooked. Mind you, Grand Moff Tarkin would still be preferable.
In the novelisation of The Rise of Skywalker (which I haven't read: there are limits to my nerdiness) they went with neither of the explanations above. Instead, Rey's father is supposed to be a non-identical clone of Palpatine. Honestly, of all the lame plot contrivances! Disney had obviously listened to fans who were grossed out by the idea that Palpatine's son could have been conceived the, er, natural way, but they hadn't picked up on the reluctant fascination that went with the grossed-out-ness. Before the novelisation came out (or became generally known), I enjoyed more than one YouTube video on the topic of who Rey's paternal grandmother might be. With the boring clone explanation, there is suddenly no such person.
This can serve as an example of one of the problems with The Rise of Skywalker. The film tried to please the fans, but didn't always get it right. I would argue, though, that it got more things right than fans would like to admit. On the site Rotten Tomatoes, it has a low critic score of 51% positive reviews, but an audience score of 86%. So why are most online comments you find elsewhere on the scathing side? If I'd hazard a guess, it would be this: The Rise of Skywalker contains a great deal of blatant fan service. Critics noticed and panned the film because of it. After that, a sort of Emperor's New Clothes effect in reverse happened: to like The Rise of Skywalker was considered a sign that you were dumb, an uncritical viewer who would approve of just about any junk as long as Lando Calrissian was in it. That's why it's become a bit embarrassing to "come out" as someone who enjoyed The Rise of Skywalker and Star Wars fans don't like to bring it up, much less praise it.
Well, I liked it. When I first saw it in the cinema, I was riveted throughout, and it's not exactly a short film. Yes, much of the storytelling is a bit of a mess. It's never explained how Palpatine can be back, albeit in a decaying body, when he was very dead indeed in The Return of the Jedi. There were plot threads that didn't lead anywere, like fellow Stormtrooper deserters who kind of bonded with Finn (including a potential love interest) and Poe's old flame from his criminal past. It looked as if Chewie had been killed, but then they chickened out and he was alive and well. It looked as if C3PO would lose his memory, but then he got most of it back. I can see why those who claim that "actions should have consequences" in fiction would bury their heads in their hands.
There's no denying that The Force Awakens was better, more streamlined and focused. But while there's no continuity to speak of between The Rise of Skywalker and The Last Jedi, especially when it comes to Rey's parentage - however you want to package it, the son of an Emperor can hardly be called "a nobody" even if he ran away and was in hiding - the idea of Rey as a Palpatine actually tracks in other ways throughout the trilogy. It explains why it was her Sith-like rage that made her a dangerous opponent to Kylo Ren in The Force Awakens. It explains why, while she was on the island with Luke in The Last Jedi and tried to tap into the Force, she immediately went to the Dark Side of the spectrum and got Luke sincerely worried. Critics have scoffed that having a powerful Force user in the family makes Rey another boring "Chosen One", born to be great rather than achieving greatness. I'd say the opposite: yes, Rey's Force sensitivity turns out to be inherited, but it comes from a very murky source, and it's up to her to make something good out of it.
I also thought the film managed to give Princess Leia a nice send-off, using old footage and the like of the late Carrie Fisher in a respectful way and refusing to go too far into CGI Uncanny Valley territory. It must have been tempting to write Leia out before the film even began, but The Rise of Skywalker didn't do that. On the subject of Kylo's parents, the scene between him and a vision of his dead father (not a Force ghost - Han didn't go in for that kind of thing - but most likely just a figment of the guilt-ridden Kylo's imagination) was really touching, with a nice implied call-back to the famous "I love you - I know" exchange in The Empire Strikes Back. On a less moving note, I enjoyed the way General Hux's rivalry with Kylo Ren played out. As for the kiss between Kylo/Ben and Rey - well, as I've said before, I thought they had great chemistry throughout, and after my previous comments on the comparative attractiveness of Imperial villains, it should come as no surprise that I find the Reylo ship entirely uncontroversial, practically vanilla in fact.
Besides, The Rise of Skywalker is fun. The banter between the protagonists isn't on the same level as in The Force Awakens, but it's entertaining enough. And for my part, I enjoyed seeing Lando again and a fleet of every Star Wars ship known to man in the finale. If that makes me a dumb fan, then so be it.
