Some traditions are important, so it's time for me to write a Eurovision blog post once again. It's no more than this year's competition deserves, as it returned with a bang, with all the right ingredients and some of the wrong ones. Colourful, eccentric, over-the-top numbers? All present and correct. The Force was strong with this one.
Did the right song win? Nah, but it could have been worse. I didn't think Italy's rock number was very memorable, but it wasn't bad either, and it's nice when one of The Big Five actually makes it to the top. Besides, I didn't really have a clear favourite this year. I liked our neighbours - the Norwegian guy had an appealing singing voice and a touching back story, and the stage show, though awkward, actually had a good excuse to use angel-demon imagery (unlike Cyprus, see below). As rock songs go, I preferred Finland's to Italy's, maybe because it was called "Dark side" (as Yoda said, always two there are - no wait, six?). And I enjoyed the Greek uptempo climbing of invisible stairs, though I can't remember the tune now, and France's ballad. But I can't really say that any song was clearly robbed of victory.
Here are some of numbers that stood out, sometimes for all the wrong reasons:
Black Sabbath of the year: Cyprus. Not as in the rock group, of which I know nothing, but as in... an actual black sabbath. Annoyingly, the tune was just the kind of Eurovision melody I like: mainstream, upbeat and hummable. But what is the girl singing? OK, maybe she's just fallen for a Mexican bandit with a sinister nickname, or it's all metaphorical or something. But with that stage show - I dunno. We need those church bells from the Walpurgis Night segment in Fantasia, and we need them now.
"Well, this worked before" of the year 1: Russia. Netta from Israel won 2018 with a kooky feminist number, so here's this year's kooky feminist number - from Russia. Um, props to Manizha for being chosen to participate against the odds, I guess, but this really isn't my cup of tea. In fact, I had to mute the TV (because of the singer's voice, not because of the lyrics). Bring back Sergey!
"Well, this worked before" of the year 2: Ukraine. Back in 2016, Ukraine won with a song that had a scream in it. In the same vein, this year's Ukrainian singer had the competition's second muteable voice. Is it really supposed to be so grating? If that's the traditional take, then sorry, I prefer the decadent, westernised numbers of the past, like "Shady Lady" (that was Ukraine, right?). Nice flute, though.
"Get lost dude" song of the year: Malta. Like other songs about robustly turning down a guy's advances, this one was not a little cocky: "I'm too good to be true, but there's nothing in it for you" - oh, OK. Luckily, Malta's Destiny had the voice and verve to carry it off and come across like a girl delighted over having found the confidence to do what she likes rather than an arrogant bitch. But I still feel a bit sorry for the bloke.
Strip club numbers of the year: Serbia and Azerbaijan. I have to mention Azerbaijan here, as the song is (supposedly) about a precursor to modern-day strippers, femme fatale Mata Hari. (Nice to see World War One German spies get some love.) The number itself was oriental pop - that is "oriental" as imagined in, say, an American mini-series featuring Omar Sharif as a sheik. Surely this was the girl who sang about Cleopatra in the non-competition last year, to a very similar beat? I actually got more strip club vibes from the trio from Serbia, though: their song was mostly something to wriggle along to in daring dresses. Something for the bored boyfriends in the audience, I suppose.
Totally irrelevant question of the year inspired by: Iceland. Nerdily charming, though if we're talking quirky I think I slightly preferred Lithuania. But how in the world can the fresh-faced lead singer in Iceland's band have been married for ten years? How old were he and his wife when they tied the knot, sixteen?
Positive national stereotype of the year: France. The only other Big Five song that did well apart from Italy, and deservedly so. A French chanson so typical it is almost too much - except a French chanteuse can never be too much, not even when crooning "Voilà" over and over. That's right, belle France, this is what we like to see - forget all those hip bands that are supposed to appeal to youths (but don't get their votes). Encore!
Oh, and thank you, Rotterdam, for a fantastic show.
