What do you mean, there's an elephant in the room? Where? Wait, there are two now?
Yeah, there's no denying Eurovision got a little tense this year. Although, in my entirely unbiased opinion, Sweden did an excellent job of hosting the competition – we threw anything but the kitchen sink at it: the Crown Princess, Abbatars, "Hooked on a Feeling" and self-deprecating numbers about our Eurovision obsession – the atmosphere was strained at times, and by the end even the ebullient Petra Mede seemed to be struggling to keep a smile on her face. Though the winning song wasn't my cup of tea, I'm actually relieved Sweden didn't win again. Yes, really. Switzerland, you're good to go. Good luck.
But this shouldn't mean that there isn't any blogging to be got out of it all, so I'll give it a try while carefully avoiding the elephants (sorry).
Black Sabbath of the year (what, again?): Ireland Back in 2021, I was shocked by the singer from Cyprus apparently taking villain fangirling too far. I guess it's debatable what is worse: the seductive hummability of Cyprus's song back then or this occult shriek-fest. At least Bambi Thug is honest about wanting to be a witch pretty badly. Still, in my book, this is worse. As far as I could make out, Bambi wants to curse their (I think?) ex, and is prepared to snog any demon in order to make it happen. There's a malevolence here that was missing from Cyprus's ditzy groupie in 2021 (plus it's still just possible that the latter was singing about a Mexican bandit). Let's hope that the pentagram was the right way up, because then it's actually supposed to ward off evil spirits.
Misunderstanding of the brief of the year: United Kingdom The UK's song was actually not bad at all, if you closed your eyes. But that number! Look, Eurovision is pretty gay, it's true. But it's gay in a glitzy, Pride Parade, feathers and sparkles kind of way. Not in a groping-guys-in-a-dirty-bathroom kind of way. No-one, gay or straight, wants grimy realism on Eurovision day. That said, zero points from televoters was harsh. It's important to remember that this doesn't mean that no-one voted for the UK, simply that the number didn't make the top ten in any of the voting countries (I'm not sure that's much of a consolation).
Fairy tale of the year: Norway Norway didn't do very well, but at least they made the finals, and as a fairy-tale nerd I'm fascinated by the tale they were singing about. What happened? Did the girl drink her brother's blood? Or did she sensibly decide to simply remain a wolf? I must look it up.
Big cats of the year: Luxemburg Take an upbeat, blissfully mainstream pop song, sung partly in French by a perky, dependable artist, then add gigantic leopards in the light show. What do you get? My favourite Eurovision entry in 2024. The competition may have been full of oddballs this years – the Finn from last year started some sort of trend which will probably be stone dead come 2025 – but this is what tigers like me like.
Intense Big Five artists of the year: France and Germany France's soupy love song was stronger than Germany's forgettable ballad, but both male singers gave it their all and managed to climb to a respectable fourth and twelfth place respectively (you may think twelfth place isn't much to write home about; trust me, for Germany, it is). I hope the traditional French ballad from France trend lasts forever, but of course it won't.
Earworms of the year: Italy and Austria When I found myself humming a song from this year's competition a few days later, it wasn't the ones from Luxemburg or Cyprus (good this year and not witchy) which I actually voted for but Italy's. "Da-da-da-da-da-da La Noia" may be the only line I know, but it certainly sticks in the brain. This, and Austria's "Dum-de-dum-de-dum-dum we will rave". Great artistry? Doubtful. Earworms? Definitely.
